SS Trans Ctr

Silver Spring Transportation Center

More than two years behind schedule and tens of millions of dollars over budget, the Silver Spring Transportation Center, it was learned today, is constructed entirely of paper mache.  The $119 million facility is two years behind schedule and more than $80 million over the original budget, and rumor has it that it was built upside down.

Internationally known Scandinavian designer Lars Scamsohnne, however, claims that critics have missed the point entirely. “The Center,” says Scamsohnne, “is precisely what Silver Spring needs, a large modern sculptural work to draw attention to the city. It is an ideal representation of local government,” Lars continues, “with its multiple levels, its unstable structure, its admitted lack of any practical purpose. It takes up vast amounts of space—prime Silver Spring real estate—and forces ordinary people constantly to maneuver and negotiate their way around it. Most fitting of all in Montgomery County, it’s very expensive.”

Asked how a structure made of paper mache could possibly support busses safely, Lars was incredulous. “Busses? Busses are unpleasant smelly and noisy things. Keep the busses far away from my sculpture. What is needed is for more plantings, grass and flowers around the structure, and removal of the ugly fence that prevents people fluidly running across the grass and stopping traffic on Colesville Road and Wayne Avenue by not heeding Walk and Don’t Walk signals.”

Once local misconceptions about the Center have been resolved, Lars Scamsohnne expects his work to be a permanent fixture of downtown Silver Spring, at least until a storm or a stiff wind comes along, at which point he will be happy to design another Center—for another hundred million dollars or thereabouts.

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